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DATING is Hard. That’s What She Said!

Everyone attempts dating at different phases of their lives but the underlying reason is still the same – to meet the right person. The right person could mean a casual relationship, a partner for marriage or a commitment, or a platonic relationship; it all depends on what you desire at that particular time.

But the question is,

Why is dating difficult?

Reasons Dating is Difficult and How To Overcome Them:

1. Dating is difficult because people don’t always plan before going into it. The mindset often strays from ‘I want someone’ to ‘I should have someone already’. Most forget or unknowingly ignore the space between these two points/phases. Because of this, they end up frustrated when it doesn’t start off well and overwhelmed when there are too many options. Eventually, when there is one piece of the jigsaw that seems to fit, they end up committing or settling too soon, to put it mildly. This is not to say that is a bad thing, however, it is better to be as conscious as you can about the process you are experiencing, especially as regards what you intrinsically desire, so you make better decisions.

It is simple, really.. Once you know or decide that you want someone new in your life, the next questions to ask yourself are:

  • What Do You Want? – Is it a casual thing or a long-term commitment? The key here is being honest with yourself as well as the other party, although if it’s a long-term thing, you should be tactful about your timing.
  • How Do You Get What You Want? – To get what you desire, you need to first come to terms with the fact that you might not encounter the perfect partner you have in mind; unless our imaginations could come to life, it is unlikely that you’ll get EXACTLY what you want. Also what you think you want might not be exactly what you ‘need’. This is why self-assessment is key.

2. Partly due to media, culture, and environmental influences, some view ‘being in a relationship’ as one of life’s major accomplishments or purposes such that they have very unreal expectations. Also due to this, some people think that finding someone will solve most of the problems in their lives, particularly from an emotional point of view. Those with a more sophisticated outlook on this expect that a partner should bring a certain sort of balance to their lives. The latter is true but the ideal route is for you to first understand yourself and be comfortable to an extent, being on your own. A healthy body fares remarkably better than one harboring a severe cough when both are combined with a night of drinking.

Is There a Dating Medium that is Best?

The simple answer is – NO.

Feel free to try different methods and use what is comfortable for you.

The above poem is one I wrote for someone I interfaced with via a dating platform some years back; interestingly, it didn’t go well down the line.

Shortly afterwards, I fortuitously met someone at a restaurant and we dated for quite some time. However, it was too much of a struggle and didn’t end great as we were very different. Which brings me to the next point:

Important things to consider before Dating someone:

Firstly, the most important and obvious one is health status: This has to do with factors like genotype, and so on.

Background: What type of home setting did they come from: What was their family like? What kind of atmosphere were they accustomed to experiencing between their parents?

Ambitions and their projections for the future: This has to do with whether they want to get married, child-bearing topics, where they want to live, and so on.

Lifestyle and compromise: Smoking, for instance. You need to be clear with your partner if you will not be able to tolerate certain habits or lifestyle traits down the line.

In the end, there is always a little bit of luck involved in dating but it helps to be prepared.

What are your views on dating and what ways do you think will make the process easier or smoother?

If you liked the poem above, you might enjoy my collection of poems,

The Befibrillator

Adeboye Oluwajuyitan. M.D., MSC Cardiology. Author | Artist | Health Coach. I play the piano in my spare time.